Honestly about Parenting
A subject that I have wanted to write about for a few days now.
It goes around, it's even quite in style lately - to show the truth, the reality.. of everything. Motherhood, parenting as well. Which is great, of course, I have nothing against that.
Only that couple of times I feel that the "reality" that is showed, is only a reality for some.. And is not, or doesn't have to be, for everyone.
One day I saw two women saying pretty much exactly the same thing.. That they were overwhelmed with the new role of being a parent, that parenting was not, what they had "expected it to be".. One even said out loud some not-so-pink-and-happy things about her experience of being a mother, saying, that she thinks that the uglier side should be known and out there as well. Both said they would have appreciated some more honesty from other parents.
I guess I might appear as blissfully happy, like everything is always perfect in the paradise island.. ;) I have been told that.
Some people probably would think I'm not being honest or genuine. Or.. That everything really is always perfect and I am not experiencing problems like everyone else.
The truth is, that I am being honest. I have also honestly said, that it is not always easy. At all. It can get very difficult, frustrating.. and exhausting! (Like in my yesterdays post, or some that I have written long before..)
But the thing is, I do not see any point in concentrating on the negative. Being sorry for yourself. That doesn't help anyone. Also, whenever I lose patience or get upset or angry, I constantly remind myself, that it is MY problem, something that I have to get over.. Have to learn to be more patient, more caring person. Not cry and whine, how hard my life is.
One main principle, that I go after, is this - that I always have to analyse myself and my feelings first. Before I act on them. (It comes a bit from a book Raising children, raising ourselves. That before saying anything to the child, or even reacting anyhow, first we must understand WHY do we do/feel this way, what is behind this.. And first of all, do work with ourselves, raise ourselves.) Because it's never the child's fault. And no matter, what is she doing (not sleeping at night, screaming, throwing things..), I feel that I should never make her suffer, because I am short of patience or short of a wise move.
Probably some of it comes from being a Christian.. And some from being a perfectionist.
But I don't see point in praising our flaws and shortcomings. In acknowledging them. I am aiming for the best.
I mean.. Of course, we have to acknowledge them, in a way that we should admit - yes, I did bad, I lost patience, I lost my temper, I sinned. But we shouldn't put this sin on a pedestal and say: hey, look everyone! I'm proud of my mistakes!
No.. I am asking forgiveness every time that I have fallen short. And not looking back, not dwelling on it.. I am moving forward, hoping to never do this mistake again, to be a better person next time, to be a better mother.
So I am not saying that we should hide our flaws. I have also complained, even in this blog. But even then.. My complaining posts always work like a therapy, looking for a solution and for an answer, and pushing the "post" button, already with a happy heart and relief.
We should not hide the flaws and the negative, but we should not embrace them. Aim for the stars and praise the positive!
I hope this post doesn't sound insulting to some.. I don't mind people talking about the things like they really are.
I'm just saying, that I do it too. Being a mother is the best, most amazing gift.. ever! I do enjoy and love every single day and minute of it, even if it's hard and I am exhausted.
Like they say, this (parenting) is the hardest, but most rewarding job in the world. :)
P.S. These are purely personal thoughts, coming from my personal experience. I realize that I have an "easy" baby. ;) And an amazing husband, who is more involved and helpful than anyone could wish for. My life is blessed.
Maybe I'd talk a different story with a different life. We'll see, what I will say, when I get a baby Nr.2, especially if closely apart. ;)
But nevertheless, it's all about the attitude.
It goes around, it's even quite in style lately - to show the truth, the reality.. of everything. Motherhood, parenting as well. Which is great, of course, I have nothing against that.
Only that couple of times I feel that the "reality" that is showed, is only a reality for some.. And is not, or doesn't have to be, for everyone.
One day I saw two women saying pretty much exactly the same thing.. That they were overwhelmed with the new role of being a parent, that parenting was not, what they had "expected it to be".. One even said out loud some not-so-pink-and-happy things about her experience of being a mother, saying, that she thinks that the uglier side should be known and out there as well. Both said they would have appreciated some more honesty from other parents.
I guess I might appear as blissfully happy, like everything is always perfect in the paradise island.. ;) I have been told that.
Some people probably would think I'm not being honest or genuine. Or.. That everything really is always perfect and I am not experiencing problems like everyone else.
The truth is, that I am being honest. I have also honestly said, that it is not always easy. At all. It can get very difficult, frustrating.. and exhausting! (Like in my yesterdays post, or some that I have written long before..)
But the thing is, I do not see any point in concentrating on the negative. Being sorry for yourself. That doesn't help anyone. Also, whenever I lose patience or get upset or angry, I constantly remind myself, that it is MY problem, something that I have to get over.. Have to learn to be more patient, more caring person. Not cry and whine, how hard my life is.
One main principle, that I go after, is this - that I always have to analyse myself and my feelings first. Before I act on them. (It comes a bit from a book Raising children, raising ourselves. That before saying anything to the child, or even reacting anyhow, first we must understand WHY do we do/feel this way, what is behind this.. And first of all, do work with ourselves, raise ourselves.) Because it's never the child's fault. And no matter, what is she doing (not sleeping at night, screaming, throwing things..), I feel that I should never make her suffer, because I am short of patience or short of a wise move.
Probably some of it comes from being a Christian.. And some from being a perfectionist.
But I don't see point in praising our flaws and shortcomings. In acknowledging them. I am aiming for the best.
I mean.. Of course, we have to acknowledge them, in a way that we should admit - yes, I did bad, I lost patience, I lost my temper, I sinned. But we shouldn't put this sin on a pedestal and say: hey, look everyone! I'm proud of my mistakes!
No.. I am asking forgiveness every time that I have fallen short. And not looking back, not dwelling on it.. I am moving forward, hoping to never do this mistake again, to be a better person next time, to be a better mother.
So I am not saying that we should hide our flaws. I have also complained, even in this blog. But even then.. My complaining posts always work like a therapy, looking for a solution and for an answer, and pushing the "post" button, already with a happy heart and relief.
We should not hide the flaws and the negative, but we should not embrace them. Aim for the stars and praise the positive!
I hope this post doesn't sound insulting to some.. I don't mind people talking about the things like they really are.
I'm just saying, that I do it too. Being a mother is the best, most amazing gift.. ever! I do enjoy and love every single day and minute of it, even if it's hard and I am exhausted.
Like they say, this (parenting) is the hardest, but most rewarding job in the world. :)
P.S. These are purely personal thoughts, coming from my personal experience. I realize that I have an "easy" baby. ;) And an amazing husband, who is more involved and helpful than anyone could wish for. My life is blessed.
Maybe I'd talk a different story with a different life. We'll see, what I will say, when I get a baby Nr.2, especially if closely apart. ;)
But nevertheless, it's all about the attitude.
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| Here should have been a picture from a not-perfect moment. But I do not take pictures then. :) For example, I don't take pictures of a crying baby. I put the camera down, if she cries or is unhappy. |
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