Reality with Two under two
I have only 1,5 months left to use this Two under two label, so lets make it count.. What about some little bit of complaining? :)
Actually, I honestly don't have much to complain about. I have recently joined a couple of new Facebook parenting groups - Attachment and Positive parenting - and have noticed a lot of people in the same situation (having a toddler and a baby) seeking advice. Whilst reading their stories of difficulties along the way - toddler being jealous, crying, when baby needs attention and stuff like that - I realize again and again that we have been very lucky.
Because honestly it (still) is going quite smoothly. Probably a lot of it has to do with luck - with Adelaide's and Jasmiina's personalities. Jasmiina is a calm baby, I'd say, whatever that means. She is happy, but she still requires, naturally, lots and lots of attention and care, and during the day I'd wish she'd sleep better (sometimes she takes a nap for many hours, but often she wakes up in an hour or less). And Adelaide.. She is a social, energetic child, but she is sensitive too, she needs a lot of closeness and our undivided attention. But it's just something about her.. I guess the social part? That she really likes other children, she likes interacting with them, she is brave and caring, and that translates to Jasmiina as well. She genuinely likes her baby sister. She almost never minds, that I have to tend to Jasmiina, feed her or change her.. (Sometimes she does, then I try to finish up as fast as possible and go do whatever she wants, but those are rare occasions.) Adelaide never has protested that I go to Jasmiina, when Jasmiina is crying! She seems just concerned and she knows, that when you cry, when someone cries.. we take them in our lap and hold them. We do that with herself and we do that with Jasmiina. And she doesn't mind. Which is the best thing ever. (She also does this cutest thing lately.. Says that someone is crying, her doll or even some imaginary child from the book, and then brings it to me and I have to hold it until it stops crying..) :)
In the beginning I was afraid Adelaide would mind, that I feed Jasmiina (as it can take a while and needs to be done quite often), but she doesn't. Hasn't. I was ready that she would, I was prepared to feed Jasmiina while babywearing or find other creative ways, but I haven't had to! Instead we have like a party in our big bed every time. In the beginning Adelaide liked to sit on the pillow and I sang to her (to them) while Jasmiina was nursing. Now she often just crawls up and down, brings her dolls in the bed or basically - entertains herself. I engage in conversation with her, offer to sing or whatever that I can do. And so far it works.
So I am partly taking credit that we have filled Adelaide's emotional cup, always have responded to her needs and tried doing everything so that she wouldn't feel like her sister's being here is taking something away from her, and partly am just thankful for the easygoing and caring big sister that she is.
So yeah, we don't have much to complain about. Life is pleasant, life is manageable, life is happy. For most of the time we have a happy toddler (normal one with her big emotions and needs and wants) and a happy baby (normal one with her constant need of closeness).
But it doesn't mean that it's an easy life. ;)
This week has been hard on me. Not sure why, obviously last weekend, even though fun and enjoyable, was more tiring than relaxing for me. I have been exhausted and haven't been able to catch up. (This morning I finally got to sleep in, so it has already helped..)
There is just twice more to do. Twice more to take care of. I guess this is where it shows, that they are really two under two.. Adelaide is amazing and independent, and smart, and verbal for her age.. But she's sort of a baby still herself. Needs help. Needs help eating and washing up. Needs diapers to be changed (not potty trained). It takes a lot from me.
Actually - I was afraid it's going to be a lot worse! I heard people saying that I will have no life for a year or so.. I was ready for that.. But it's not so bad, not at all! It is fine.. I do have a life, nice life, it is doable and enjoyable.
I often feel bad now, if I haven't been able to do something that I would like to do.. A sewing project, for example. Or a spring cleaning.. But then I'm thinking to myself - what am I expecting?! I have two tiny children! And as I hear, for some it's a lot harder than this, so I'm actually doing great..
House is messy and dirty. More than it should be. I don't have very high standards for this, and now the usual situation is even under my standard. Which I don't like.. But well, I'm a person that uses all of the nap time for coffee and me-time for the sake of my mental help. Cleanness.. Well, it can wait.
I do still make daily breakfasts and dinners, all from scratch, myself. Good homemade meals are more important to me than a clean house, I suppose. The meals, though, have gotten quicker and easier, I actually don't have the time anymore to cook more complicated and time consuming things. (Jasmiina usually wakes up and makes it pretty hard to finish.) I still manage to bake occasional muffins or cookies, or cake. So it's fine.
I don't get anything much else extra done, I don't have almost any time for any projects or hobbies.. And yes, I do feel that our Montessori shelves have been quite abandoned.. I should prepare new materials and declutter the old ones.. Our days are not very organized and filled with meaningful learning activities (as much as I'd wish they would be), but we still read a lot, play, draw, cook together, go outside.. It's slow and simple, and it's nice. I know that we will get to more complicated activities again sometime. In a little while.
So, yes, it is harder, more exhausting.. As expected to be. But it's not the end of the world, it's quite a new world. :) Interesting period for all of us.
It probably depends so much on the person. I, for example, don't have the slightest wish to get out more, I don't want to leave the house more.. (I could, if I'd want to, we even have two cars now, but all the dressing two children and getting in and out with them.. It's physically exhausting.) I don't miss the society much (we get enough of socializing). And this might be different for other people. All that I need and miss is more of simple relaxing and recharging, more of total me-time in peace and silence (which is a rare thing now..). If I don't get enough of this, I get annoyed and tired, and it's so much more harder to stay a nice and peaceful parent then..
It's hard to get these alone moments now, because even when the amazing Mr. Husband takes Adelaide and goes out with her in the evening for a couple of hours, Jasmiina is usually awake and she needs to be in my lap or at my breast, so.. not much of alone time for me then. We should figure out more ways how he could take both of them (it's probably impossible, when she's still so little.. But in some months it will get better), because it's also he, who should deal sometimes with both of the children, not just me. And he does, sometimes, but yes, Jasmiina just wants something that he doesn't have.. the breast, and then he can't help. ;)
So even this all will get better. What matters is to enjoy this time, when she's so little. It won't last long, this time we already know that.
Actually, I honestly don't have much to complain about. I have recently joined a couple of new Facebook parenting groups - Attachment and Positive parenting - and have noticed a lot of people in the same situation (having a toddler and a baby) seeking advice. Whilst reading their stories of difficulties along the way - toddler being jealous, crying, when baby needs attention and stuff like that - I realize again and again that we have been very lucky.
Because honestly it (still) is going quite smoothly. Probably a lot of it has to do with luck - with Adelaide's and Jasmiina's personalities. Jasmiina is a calm baby, I'd say, whatever that means. She is happy, but she still requires, naturally, lots and lots of attention and care, and during the day I'd wish she'd sleep better (sometimes she takes a nap for many hours, but often she wakes up in an hour or less). And Adelaide.. She is a social, energetic child, but she is sensitive too, she needs a lot of closeness and our undivided attention. But it's just something about her.. I guess the social part? That she really likes other children, she likes interacting with them, she is brave and caring, and that translates to Jasmiina as well. She genuinely likes her baby sister. She almost never minds, that I have to tend to Jasmiina, feed her or change her.. (Sometimes she does, then I try to finish up as fast as possible and go do whatever she wants, but those are rare occasions.) Adelaide never has protested that I go to Jasmiina, when Jasmiina is crying! She seems just concerned and she knows, that when you cry, when someone cries.. we take them in our lap and hold them. We do that with herself and we do that with Jasmiina. And she doesn't mind. Which is the best thing ever. (She also does this cutest thing lately.. Says that someone is crying, her doll or even some imaginary child from the book, and then brings it to me and I have to hold it until it stops crying..) :)
 |
| Adelaide requested to put her baby in a wrap :) And was hopping around to calm down the baby.. |
In the beginning I was afraid Adelaide would mind, that I feed Jasmiina (as it can take a while and needs to be done quite often), but she doesn't. Hasn't. I was ready that she would, I was prepared to feed Jasmiina while babywearing or find other creative ways, but I haven't had to! Instead we have like a party in our big bed every time. In the beginning Adelaide liked to sit on the pillow and I sang to her (to them) while Jasmiina was nursing. Now she often just crawls up and down, brings her dolls in the bed or basically - entertains herself. I engage in conversation with her, offer to sing or whatever that I can do. And so far it works.
So I am partly taking credit that we have filled Adelaide's emotional cup, always have responded to her needs and tried doing everything so that she wouldn't feel like her sister's being here is taking something away from her, and partly am just thankful for the easygoing and caring big sister that she is.
So yeah, we don't have much to complain about. Life is pleasant, life is manageable, life is happy. For most of the time we have a happy toddler (normal one with her big emotions and needs and wants) and a happy baby (normal one with her constant need of closeness).
But it doesn't mean that it's an easy life. ;)
This week has been hard on me. Not sure why, obviously last weekend, even though fun and enjoyable, was more tiring than relaxing for me. I have been exhausted and haven't been able to catch up. (This morning I finally got to sleep in, so it has already helped..)
There is just twice more to do. Twice more to take care of. I guess this is where it shows, that they are really two under two.. Adelaide is amazing and independent, and smart, and verbal for her age.. But she's sort of a baby still herself. Needs help. Needs help eating and washing up. Needs diapers to be changed (not potty trained). It takes a lot from me.
Actually - I was afraid it's going to be a lot worse! I heard people saying that I will have no life for a year or so.. I was ready for that.. But it's not so bad, not at all! It is fine.. I do have a life, nice life, it is doable and enjoyable.
I often feel bad now, if I haven't been able to do something that I would like to do.. A sewing project, for example. Or a spring cleaning.. But then I'm thinking to myself - what am I expecting?! I have two tiny children! And as I hear, for some it's a lot harder than this, so I'm actually doing great..
House is messy and dirty. More than it should be. I don't have very high standards for this, and now the usual situation is even under my standard. Which I don't like.. But well, I'm a person that uses all of the nap time for coffee and me-time for the sake of my mental help. Cleanness.. Well, it can wait.
I do still make daily breakfasts and dinners, all from scratch, myself. Good homemade meals are more important to me than a clean house, I suppose. The meals, though, have gotten quicker and easier, I actually don't have the time anymore to cook more complicated and time consuming things. (Jasmiina usually wakes up and makes it pretty hard to finish.) I still manage to bake occasional muffins or cookies, or cake. So it's fine.
I don't get anything much else extra done, I don't have almost any time for any projects or hobbies.. And yes, I do feel that our Montessori shelves have been quite abandoned.. I should prepare new materials and declutter the old ones.. Our days are not very organized and filled with meaningful learning activities (as much as I'd wish they would be), but we still read a lot, play, draw, cook together, go outside.. It's slow and simple, and it's nice. I know that we will get to more complicated activities again sometime. In a little while.
So, yes, it is harder, more exhausting.. As expected to be. But it's not the end of the world, it's quite a new world. :) Interesting period for all of us.
It probably depends so much on the person. I, for example, don't have the slightest wish to get out more, I don't want to leave the house more.. (I could, if I'd want to, we even have two cars now, but all the dressing two children and getting in and out with them.. It's physically exhausting.) I don't miss the society much (we get enough of socializing). And this might be different for other people. All that I need and miss is more of simple relaxing and recharging, more of total me-time in peace and silence (which is a rare thing now..). If I don't get enough of this, I get annoyed and tired, and it's so much more harder to stay a nice and peaceful parent then..
It's hard to get these alone moments now, because even when the amazing Mr. Husband takes Adelaide and goes out with her in the evening for a couple of hours, Jasmiina is usually awake and she needs to be in my lap or at my breast, so.. not much of alone time for me then. We should figure out more ways how he could take both of them (it's probably impossible, when she's still so little.. But in some months it will get better), because it's also he, who should deal sometimes with both of the children, not just me. And he does, sometimes, but yes, Jasmiina just wants something that he doesn't have.. the breast, and then he can't help. ;)
So even this all will get better. What matters is to enjoy this time, when she's so little. It won't last long, this time we already know that.
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