Struggle for perfection in parenting

I don't know yet, what this post will be about.. Our life is going quite calmly right now, Adelaide still has a cold, so we can't really go anywhere (not going even outside, she sleeps in the stroller, which is in the house). But as the life is getting back to the normal everyday routine, some concerns have risen again..

When I was pregnant, I was so lucky to just be at home and rest, I could enjoy my last months of being alone and independent, I could do whatever I wanted, which included watching a lot of movies and TV shows with a cup of tea in my hand. ;)
I always thought, that - once the baby arrives - we will change our life and our habits. That I will not use computer or my phone during the day (because it's bad to teach such habits!), that we will not watch our every-evening TV novel with Husband, but spend time with the baby instead. And so on.. I was planning on being the perfect parent. :D

Now I realize, that - actually - nothing has changed! Our life, our habits are exactly the same as they were. Ok, of course, they have been altered - there in fact is time during the day, when all the attention goes to the child and, of course, we are not free to do whatever we imagine anymore, life now is happening according to the baby and her schedule and wishes.

But to my surprise, in those free moments that I have - when she is happy to play on her own or when she's sleeping - I still am right here, sitting at my computer :D , which still hasn't changed its location and is in the center of the living room.. I still am actively chatting with my FB friends, we are still watching our evening TV show (at first baby was sleeping, but now she is either playing on the floor, or - how horrible - even in our lap), and yesterday we had a lazy (and that's why so nice) Sunday, watching a movie.

In some way I feel guilty, because objectively I do not think they are the best habits, and I would really want to be a more perfect parent.. I am also excusing myself, thinking that there are people who have TV all day in the background, and we, with our 1 hour a day in the evening, are not so bad at all, and of course the baby is not really watching it..

But if I'm honest, I actually need these little comforting things to keep my sanity! Even though Adelaide is a really calm and nice baby, she is a good sleeper and - yes, yes - I'm having it the easy way, being all day long at home with a baby is still really exhausting - physically and mentally. (Probably no one, who ever has experienced it, will argue with that..)

People, of course, are different, they need different things and are coping with life very differently.
In my case.. I always have had high emotional needs, with that I mean - I need a lot of relaxing and me-time, a lot of rewinding, to stay sane and emotionally (and mentally, and physically) stable and healthy. I need peace and comfort to recharge.
And I mean - need, not want. If I'd not have that, in a very short time I'd become an emotional and physical wreck, have a nervous brakedown and so.

That's why, every chance I get (like now - baby is sleeping), I have a tea cup in my hand and am sitting right here.

But I do feel guilty about it, I'd like to spend my time a little bit more productively, and most importantly - I'd want to be a better mother.

Even though our baby gets all my attention plus a perfect father's attention, even though I follow all my instincts with her and my conscience is clean, as I'm following all the Attachment Parenting principles and I'm responding to all her needs..
I often still feel not perfect enough. (Ok, I'm a perfectionist..) I should spend more quality time with her, read to her more, play one-on-one with her, provide her with more productive Montessori toys..
Sometimes I think she's the smartest, most capable baby I could imagine at this age. But then I hear or see something, what others do with their babies and their abilities, and I feel like I'm not doing enough.

Probably, for the most part, it's just silly.
But I guess I'll reread the Montessori From Start book, to refresh my ideas.

I feel better already. :) At least I care. And waste my time thinking about stuff like this. :D 

P.S. After having written this and having comforted Adelaide, after she woke up and wanted to be held for some time, I realized.. it's all ok. :D I always am there for her, when she needs me, and I let her be on her own, when she is happy. I guess that's what's a good parent (in my opinion) - giving the child plenty of independence, as long as she wants it.

But now, some of our activities!

The little grey seal (yes, it's a seal..), which actually is a selfmade, is one of her favorites! I guess it's great for grabbing and chewing. 

This is actually quite a nice toy - like a small activity board (wooden).

Everything still goes straight to mouth!

Classics - just a shiny peace of paper (or any item from real life) is usually way more attractive than any toy..

She is really good at crawling over obstacles! Lets say - as big an obstacle as me (in the pictures it's just my legs, but in the bed she can get over my body with ease) is not any problem for her. :)