(Warning!) Birth Story
Sometime in the very beginning of blogging I mentioned "Natural Childbirth" as one of the possible subjects.
However, I never felt any wish to think or write about giving birth.. But now I got an inspiration, so I will give it a try. If you're not interested, don't read this post! :)
It's funny. While planning our wedding, I watched all the possible wedding picture galleries, but once we had had our own, I had no wish to see any ever again.
Same with birth.. I had read about thousand different birth stories, but once I actually had my own.. I seriously did not even want to hear about it.
I guess it's good to read different birth stories, if you have to give birth yourself soon.. But the key word being: different. There is no point, and this I can say from experience now, to read just one type of stories, like - happy birth stories, where everything happened in some sort of ecstasy and bliss, and all was a wonderful spiritual experience.
Nothing wrong with them.. A small % of people might actually experience a birth like that. Good for them. But sadly, there is not a very big guaranty, that you will be one of those lucky few.
The truth is, birth stories for different women can be of a wide range, millions of different versions, from an easy process, where baby just shoots out in minutes and there is no real pain, to a lot harder experiences, lasting for many painful days and possibly still ending up not so perfectly. Truth is, even though childbirth is a natural process that women are created for, not all the women are physically able to do it without help, and if medical interventions wouldn't be available, many would die and/or lose their babies in birth, as it used to happen quite commonly not that long ago.
Still, I do support natural childbirth, whenever reasonably possible.
It's quite a difficult subject, situation is very different in different countries. In Estonia, I would say it's quite perfect - natural, unmedicated childbirth is a norm, but - if necessary - the medical help is available and effective.
But concentrating too much on beautiful birth scenarios was, what ruined it for me a bit.. When it didn't quite go like that, to no fault of my own, it caused me stress, disappointment and feeling of failure. Thankfully, as everything actually ended very well, I managed not to feel too bad about it.
So, advice - if you are about to give birth - hope for the best, but be prepared that anything can happen, and it's ok.
I had read everything I possibly could about birth. All the natural self-care books and articles, also books about praying for your birth to go well. We also went to a couple of lessons about giving birth in the Birth House, and I found them really good and helpful (practising different positions and breathing techniques and so on).
When my mom said that birth "was nothing pleasant", I was shocked and thought she just had a bad attitude! :D And that with a good attitude and embracing the contractions and even pain, it would go well.. How could it not?
My pregnancy was perfect and I had no complications. Baby was exactly due and in perfect size and position.
In short:
I woke at 4:00 with contractions. They were 10 minutes apart and not overly strong. They lasted for couple of hours and then stopped. Around 19:00 the same day they returned and quickly grew closer apart, from 7 minutes apart until 5 minutes apart, around 23:00. As it is suggested to go to the Birth House, when it's 5 minutes, we quickly got ready (I had read so many stories of a very fast and sudden birth, and I didn't want to give birth at home..), we came to the hospital exactly around midnight. I was checked and I was only 2 cm dilated (it has to be 10 cm in the end). They would have sent us home, but as we don't live in the city, we got to our room. I was told I will be checked next time in 6 hours (!!!) and I thought they are kidding..
In 6 hours, contracting about every 4-5 minutes (not overly painful) I was checked (I thought it must be near to the end..) and it was.. 4 cm. "Good job" made me feel less crushed of so slow progress.. I was encouraged by them saying that the beginning usually takes the longest and it should start going faster starting from now.
Midwife suggested to go in the bath, so far I had been walking around and squatting all the time.
After 2 hours in the bath I was checked and there was no progress and it was still 4 cm. They asked, what did I want to do, and I said I wanted a natural birth, so they said that ok, will wait and see at 11:00.
I walked around and tried to be active to help things go along for many hours, being already quite tired. At 11:00 there was still no progress, still 4 cm dilated! And I had been doing it for more than 12 hours already.. They suggested to break the waters, at first I refused, but later I agreed, as it is a natural method to speed things along. The process was unpleasant and it caused me stress and I felt crushed and disappointed.
Everyone was waiting for the birth to finally take off (this all for more than 12 hours was obviously just some foreplay), but.. Guess what, nothing was happening. There was no progress whatsoever. I was exhausted and I realised they will want to do something to speed it up. I didn't want to, of course, as I wanted "natural birth". Nobody was exactly pressuring me and they did respect my wishes, however, as the doctor said: "somehow this has to be finished", and it really seemed that it wasn't going to "be finished" on its own, so I agreed to take oxytocin (it increases the contractions of uterus). Around 14:00 I got the initial dose and there still was no progress.. In some half an hour or hour they increased the dose. Then only the fun begun.
Those then were a couple of hours that I don't really remember.. All in one big cloud. There was a time, when I said that I can't do it, but my very nice midwife said so sweetly: But.. Must do it. :) It was crazy, and painful, and exhausting, and I suddenly didn't anymore judge women who take epidurals or c-sections (still didn't want those myself).
The progress in the end was faster than anyone had hoped, around 17:00 I was checked again, and it turned out, the baby was ready to come out..
Hearing, that this might finally end, I had a whole new strength and energy, and I was ready to do anything to get this baby out finally. It didn't take too many pushes, and she was out.. all of her in one big push at 17:26. (Being in labor for almost 24 hours.)
The pushing didn't hurt at all. (I have read that it's common for the first birth.)
My husband was there all the time, helping me (massaging and pushing on my lower back during contractions, it seriously was at least half less painful with his help, timing the contractions, I couldn't ever have done it without his help..) and he saw everything, all of it, how our little Adelaide was coming out. He says it was the most amazing experience ever!
Our midwife was great, she was firm and confident, but nice and supportive. I can't complain about anything.
Only problem that at first I was feeling guilty and disappointed and like a failure, because my body was so weak and couldn't do it on it's own..
But I realised, that everything ended still perfectly - Adelaide was fine, I was fine, she came out still the natural way, everything was great!
Some natural birth fanatics might say, that maybe should have let it happen on its own still.. Maybe my body would have done it on its own speed. But you know what, maybe not! Maybe I would have gotten even more tired, maybe Adelaide would have gotten tired.. and who knows, how it even could have ended then. So I must say, I'm really happy and thankful for everything, how it went down! It was the right way for us.
And of course.. :) It was the happiest day of my life, and the emotions afterwards are just ecstasy.
But the main point still is.. We all are different. We should trust our bodies, but also be thankful for the options that medicine offers to help us.
However, I never felt any wish to think or write about giving birth.. But now I got an inspiration, so I will give it a try. If you're not interested, don't read this post! :)
It's funny. While planning our wedding, I watched all the possible wedding picture galleries, but once we had had our own, I had no wish to see any ever again.
Same with birth.. I had read about thousand different birth stories, but once I actually had my own.. I seriously did not even want to hear about it.
I guess it's good to read different birth stories, if you have to give birth yourself soon.. But the key word being: different. There is no point, and this I can say from experience now, to read just one type of stories, like - happy birth stories, where everything happened in some sort of ecstasy and bliss, and all was a wonderful spiritual experience.
Nothing wrong with them.. A small % of people might actually experience a birth like that. Good for them. But sadly, there is not a very big guaranty, that you will be one of those lucky few.
The truth is, birth stories for different women can be of a wide range, millions of different versions, from an easy process, where baby just shoots out in minutes and there is no real pain, to a lot harder experiences, lasting for many painful days and possibly still ending up not so perfectly. Truth is, even though childbirth is a natural process that women are created for, not all the women are physically able to do it without help, and if medical interventions wouldn't be available, many would die and/or lose their babies in birth, as it used to happen quite commonly not that long ago.
Still, I do support natural childbirth, whenever reasonably possible.
It's quite a difficult subject, situation is very different in different countries. In Estonia, I would say it's quite perfect - natural, unmedicated childbirth is a norm, but - if necessary - the medical help is available and effective.
But concentrating too much on beautiful birth scenarios was, what ruined it for me a bit.. When it didn't quite go like that, to no fault of my own, it caused me stress, disappointment and feeling of failure. Thankfully, as everything actually ended very well, I managed not to feel too bad about it.
So, advice - if you are about to give birth - hope for the best, but be prepared that anything can happen, and it's ok.
I had read everything I possibly could about birth. All the natural self-care books and articles, also books about praying for your birth to go well. We also went to a couple of lessons about giving birth in the Birth House, and I found them really good and helpful (practising different positions and breathing techniques and so on).
When my mom said that birth "was nothing pleasant", I was shocked and thought she just had a bad attitude! :D And that with a good attitude and embracing the contractions and even pain, it would go well.. How could it not?
My pregnancy was perfect and I had no complications. Baby was exactly due and in perfect size and position.
In short:
I woke at 4:00 with contractions. They were 10 minutes apart and not overly strong. They lasted for couple of hours and then stopped. Around 19:00 the same day they returned and quickly grew closer apart, from 7 minutes apart until 5 minutes apart, around 23:00. As it is suggested to go to the Birth House, when it's 5 minutes, we quickly got ready (I had read so many stories of a very fast and sudden birth, and I didn't want to give birth at home..), we came to the hospital exactly around midnight. I was checked and I was only 2 cm dilated (it has to be 10 cm in the end). They would have sent us home, but as we don't live in the city, we got to our room. I was told I will be checked next time in 6 hours (!!!) and I thought they are kidding..
 |
| In the very beginning.. So excited! :) |
Midwife suggested to go in the bath, so far I had been walking around and squatting all the time.
After 2 hours in the bath I was checked and there was no progress and it was still 4 cm. They asked, what did I want to do, and I said I wanted a natural birth, so they said that ok, will wait and see at 11:00.
I walked around and tried to be active to help things go along for many hours, being already quite tired. At 11:00 there was still no progress, still 4 cm dilated! And I had been doing it for more than 12 hours already.. They suggested to break the waters, at first I refused, but later I agreed, as it is a natural method to speed things along. The process was unpleasant and it caused me stress and I felt crushed and disappointed.
Everyone was waiting for the birth to finally take off (this all for more than 12 hours was obviously just some foreplay), but.. Guess what, nothing was happening. There was no progress whatsoever. I was exhausted and I realised they will want to do something to speed it up. I didn't want to, of course, as I wanted "natural birth". Nobody was exactly pressuring me and they did respect my wishes, however, as the doctor said: "somehow this has to be finished", and it really seemed that it wasn't going to "be finished" on its own, so I agreed to take oxytocin (it increases the contractions of uterus). Around 14:00 I got the initial dose and there still was no progress.. In some half an hour or hour they increased the dose. Then only the fun begun.
Those then were a couple of hours that I don't really remember.. All in one big cloud. There was a time, when I said that I can't do it, but my very nice midwife said so sweetly: But.. Must do it. :) It was crazy, and painful, and exhausting, and I suddenly didn't anymore judge women who take epidurals or c-sections (still didn't want those myself).
The progress in the end was faster than anyone had hoped, around 17:00 I was checked again, and it turned out, the baby was ready to come out..
Hearing, that this might finally end, I had a whole new strength and energy, and I was ready to do anything to get this baby out finally. It didn't take too many pushes, and she was out.. all of her in one big push at 17:26. (Being in labor for almost 24 hours.)
The pushing didn't hurt at all. (I have read that it's common for the first birth.)
My husband was there all the time, helping me (massaging and pushing on my lower back during contractions, it seriously was at least half less painful with his help, timing the contractions, I couldn't ever have done it without his help..) and he saw everything, all of it, how our little Adelaide was coming out. He says it was the most amazing experience ever!
Our midwife was great, she was firm and confident, but nice and supportive. I can't complain about anything.
Only problem that at first I was feeling guilty and disappointed and like a failure, because my body was so weak and couldn't do it on it's own..
But I realised, that everything ended still perfectly - Adelaide was fine, I was fine, she came out still the natural way, everything was great!
Some natural birth fanatics might say, that maybe should have let it happen on its own still.. Maybe my body would have done it on its own speed. But you know what, maybe not! Maybe I would have gotten even more tired, maybe Adelaide would have gotten tired.. and who knows, how it even could have ended then. So I must say, I'm really happy and thankful for everything, how it went down! It was the right way for us.
And of course.. :) It was the happiest day of my life, and the emotions afterwards are just ecstasy.
 |
| The first moments together.. |
But the main point still is.. We all are different. We should trust our bodies, but also be thankful for the options that medicine offers to help us.
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