First principle of Parenting
I have a couple of friends, who are expecting. :) Some are already experienced mothers, some expecting their first.
Especially, if I care about the friend, I have a strong wish to share everything that I know.. That I have learned in my journey of Motherhood.
It's like this one time.. When I met an acquaintance, who turned out to be pregnant, and I just couldn't stop giving advice and good wishes.. :D
Not that much, because I think I would know it all.. But I genuinely want to help.
Of course, I realize, that this is something that I should learn to control. ;)
But I have been thinking. Many people, who have children, say, that they didn't know anything about babies or raising children, before they actually had them. That they learned on the go. That they did many mistakes, until they found their right way.
Of course, in many ways, that is normal. Because you can't exactly predict, what to expect.
There is so much of information. That is a blessing, but a problem as well. Problem for young parents, because - once you actually have a baby - if any single, even seemingly most simple question arises, for example, even still in the hospital - how often to feed the baby? How long/often/much should he eat? How/where/how much should he sleep?
See? That's already many questions. That can come up even in the first minutes that your baby is in this world.
If you are a parent to be.. Do you know the answers?
Of course, many things come by intuition. It's just natural. You'll know, what to do. Should be simple.
But is it?
The nurse will tell you one thing. Midwife, doctor, mother, grandmother, mother-in-law, a friend - possibly totally another!
If you are a confident person, who is strongly connected to nature and your own intuition, then you'll be fine. But others? Who to believe? Some people choose to blindly believe one authority - mother or doctor - but that is not necessarily the best choice.
And here comes the first of eight principles of the theory of child raising - Attachment Parenting:
1. Prepare for Pregnancy, Birth, and Parenting
Even I have overlooked this principle. I didn't think it matters that much. (Even though I still did it myself.)
Everyone (normal, intelligent woman) prepares for Pregnancy. At least then, when the pregnancy has occurred. :D And everyone usually prepares for Birth. That's something that pregnant women think a lot about.. Go to classes, read books, think of different options..
But how many prepare for Parenting? Do we miss this last little word of the First principle? Apart from buying cute baby clothes and choosing out strollers, how many actually prepare for Parenthood? For actual having and raising a child?
From what I have observed - really not many. Even smart and nice mothers, who I know and who now are quite educated, even they have admitted, that they didn't know anything about many of the subjects, before they actually got a child.
Many people even have some sort of allergies for educating oneself, when it comes to raising children. They think it's something that any normal person knows anyway, and that reading or learning anything on the matter is totally unnecessary.
I know that I am a total freak - maybe because I always knew I wanted children and that raising my children will be one of, or probably the most important job of my life - but I had read everything that I could on the matter. I had found cloth diaper options and learned the Montessori principles long before I even was planning to get pregnant!
Mostly I have thought that I'm just weird like that. But now, seeing this First principle, I actually realize, that it's a totally normal thing! And everyone should do it! Ok.. Maybe not as early as I did, but once you realize you want children, once you actually are pregnant - you have a whole 10 months to educate yourself! So do it. For your and your baby's sake.
We learn and educate ourselves for work, for our professions, even to drive a car. But we somehow forget to do it for the most important work - which is also extremely difficult! - being parents!
Those questions before? I knew the answers. And even with all the theory that I had learned, I still learned a lot in the praxis. Naturally. But at least I didn't do any mistakes. I can say, that I haven't done anything extremely wrong, that I would regret now. And I'm thankful for that. My baby hasn't had to suffer, nor have I.
But to be actually helpful.. I'll say. To all the friends out there, really shortly:
But about all of these, in this list, no - you probably will not have time nor the energy in the first days and weeks, to read and educate yourself on these matters! Do it beforehand. So when you are given advice, you'll know - is it one to listen to, or one to throw away and never come back to.
And it's all because of love. Because we love our children. And wish them the best. :) Good luck!
P.S. I have heard, haven't read it myself though, that a good option to begin with, is The Baby Book by Dr. Sears. I believe it's good. Might read myself still.
Especially, if I care about the friend, I have a strong wish to share everything that I know.. That I have learned in my journey of Motherhood.
It's like this one time.. When I met an acquaintance, who turned out to be pregnant, and I just couldn't stop giving advice and good wishes.. :D
Not that much, because I think I would know it all.. But I genuinely want to help.
Of course, I realize, that this is something that I should learn to control. ;)
But I have been thinking. Many people, who have children, say, that they didn't know anything about babies or raising children, before they actually had them. That they learned on the go. That they did many mistakes, until they found their right way.
Of course, in many ways, that is normal. Because you can't exactly predict, what to expect.
There is so much of information. That is a blessing, but a problem as well. Problem for young parents, because - once you actually have a baby - if any single, even seemingly most simple question arises, for example, even still in the hospital - how often to feed the baby? How long/often/much should he eat? How/where/how much should he sleep?
See? That's already many questions. That can come up even in the first minutes that your baby is in this world.
If you are a parent to be.. Do you know the answers?
Of course, many things come by intuition. It's just natural. You'll know, what to do. Should be simple.
But is it?
The nurse will tell you one thing. Midwife, doctor, mother, grandmother, mother-in-law, a friend - possibly totally another!
If you are a confident person, who is strongly connected to nature and your own intuition, then you'll be fine. But others? Who to believe? Some people choose to blindly believe one authority - mother or doctor - but that is not necessarily the best choice.
And here comes the first of eight principles of the theory of child raising - Attachment Parenting:
1. Prepare for Pregnancy, Birth, and Parenting
Even I have overlooked this principle. I didn't think it matters that much. (Even though I still did it myself.)
Everyone (normal, intelligent woman) prepares for Pregnancy. At least then, when the pregnancy has occurred. :D And everyone usually prepares for Birth. That's something that pregnant women think a lot about.. Go to classes, read books, think of different options..
But how many prepare for Parenting? Do we miss this last little word of the First principle? Apart from buying cute baby clothes and choosing out strollers, how many actually prepare for Parenthood? For actual having and raising a child?
From what I have observed - really not many. Even smart and nice mothers, who I know and who now are quite educated, even they have admitted, that they didn't know anything about many of the subjects, before they actually got a child.
Many people even have some sort of allergies for educating oneself, when it comes to raising children. They think it's something that any normal person knows anyway, and that reading or learning anything on the matter is totally unnecessary.
I know that I am a total freak - maybe because I always knew I wanted children and that raising my children will be one of, or probably the most important job of my life - but I had read everything that I could on the matter. I had found cloth diaper options and learned the Montessori principles long before I even was planning to get pregnant!
We learn and educate ourselves for work, for our professions, even to drive a car. But we somehow forget to do it for the most important work - which is also extremely difficult! - being parents!
Those questions before? I knew the answers. And even with all the theory that I had learned, I still learned a lot in the praxis. Naturally. But at least I didn't do any mistakes. I can say, that I haven't done anything extremely wrong, that I would regret now. And I'm thankful for that. My baby hasn't had to suffer, nor have I.
But to be actually helpful.. I'll say. To all the friends out there, really shortly:
- Educate yourself on the best arrangements right after birth - for yourself and the baby. Skin-to-skin contact, importance of the first feeding, uninterrupted time with the mother, how to achieve this in a hospital environment etc.
- Educate yourself on breastfeeding. I said once, and I said correctly - birth is not the one to be afraid of. You should worry more about the breastfeeding - how and what to do, to succeed with it from the beginning. How to avoid the problems. Read everything you can beforehand on the breastfeeding subject, if you hope and plan to feed the baby yourself!
An article, that I read a long, long time ago, that influenced a lot on how I am doing this motherhood job: Why African Babies Don't Cry. - Educate yourself about the Fourth Trimester and what babies (and mothers) need during this time. Read books on how to offer the baby uterus-alike environment. Read to know, what matters in this precious beginning, and what doesn't. Read about colics, what they are and how to deal with them. (No, they are not stomach pains.) For example, the book about 5 "S's".
- Educate yourself and prepare for babywearing. I would definitely suggest preparing already beforehand. Because it's great to start with it early - when you both need it the most. It's just trouble to start looking for slings and buying them afterwards, when the baby is already born. (Unless you go and buy them from an actual specialist, who would teach and explain as well, that also would be a great option.)
- Educate yourself on different sleeping arrangements for babies - what are the options and what are the possible pluses and minuses of each. Read about co-sleeping. And about cry-it-out methods and why are they horrifying and harmful to your child, and why you should never leave your baby to cry alone. For example, this article: The scientific evidence against spanking, time-outs and sleep training.
- Educate yourself on babies' needs in the first year of life. That you can't spoil them. That they don't "whine". That there never is too much holding, too much being close to the mother, too much attachment, too much love.
- Educate yourself on safe attachment and how important it is in the first 3 years of life.
- Educate yourself on how to stimulate your baby appropriately, to not over- or under-stimulate him. Learn, what are the best ways to play with your child from the beginning. The importance of talking to him, singing to him, and touches.
But about all of these, in this list, no - you probably will not have time nor the energy in the first days and weeks, to read and educate yourself on these matters! Do it beforehand. So when you are given advice, you'll know - is it one to listen to, or one to throw away and never come back to.
And it's all because of love. Because we love our children. And wish them the best. :) Good luck!
P.S. I have heard, haven't read it myself though, that a good option to begin with, is The Baby Book by Dr. Sears. I believe it's good. Might read myself still.
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